In addition to my work as a celebrity, I enjoy preventing crimes and solving mysteries. If you know of an upcoming crime, please anonymously submit a tip here and, schedule-permitting, I will do my best to stop it. I DO NOT BELIEVE IN VIGILANTE JUSTICE, AND I AM NO VIGILANTE. VIOLENCE IS NOT MY TACTIC. No, rather my tactic is to beg and plead with criminals until hopefully they agree to stop their vile acts. My success rate is low thus far, but I truly believe that I am compelling and motivated enough to make a real impact here without anyone getting hurt, except the victims of the crimes I fail to stop or sometimes me— anyone but the criminal, I guess. The criminal never seems to get hurt in these scenarios.
